To drive and drive and drive.
Without a destination. Just a direction: West, east, north, south. It doesn’t matter.
I want to feel brave and light and daring.
I want to feel self-sufficient and self-assured.
I want to be sleepy at night because I played all day. Like a puppy.
I want to drink cold water. Cold, cold water and let it cleanse its way through me.
I want my thoughts to be bigger. They’ve been so small for so long.
I want it all. But nothing. All the peaceful feelings but not one more thing.
My mind. Poor thing. Diminished by details. Maybe not all that amazing to begin with; but surely, better than this.
I need a soul-cleanse. A re-centering. An adjustment. A renewal.
I jumped out of a plane once. Everything made sense for awhile. But it’s long been foggy.
I have no desire to jump again.
Instead, I want to roll. Roll and walk. Out there. Outside. Where spring is being so show-off-y.
Spring with its early pea green color.
Are you there, God? It’s me. Susan.